I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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