i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
