her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
