Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
