why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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