Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
