that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
