She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
