When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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