i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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