and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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