I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
