Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize