I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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