I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
