is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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