Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
