Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
