Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
