Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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