ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
