we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
