The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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