How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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