There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize