i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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