When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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