Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
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Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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