woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
