we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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