i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
