Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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