Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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