I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
