You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
