Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
