Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
