It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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