i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
wow bdsm is so cute
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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