Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
