Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Congratulations! We have a period
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