My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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