Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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