He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
