Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize