So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
