I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
