Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
