he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
