You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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