Your tits are I can't wait for
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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