I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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