you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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