Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
