Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
