Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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