dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
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we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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