You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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