so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
