I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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