I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
