I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
