There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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