i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
