i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
