I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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