Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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