TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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