So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
