Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
